The Gift (for The View)

On the day of her birth, though she may not realise it, every little girl is handed a beautifully wrapped gift, purchased, packaged and neatly contained in a tiny little box, finished off with a pretty pink bow. That gift is her identity, and within it the summary of all her hopes and dreams, everything she will be and everything she will be taught she wants to be.

Of course, every gift is unique, unique within a strictly defined set of parameters at least. A redheaded child will be told she is fiery whilst a blonde will be told she is dumb; a short girl will be told she is sassy, a tall girl that she is gawky. Each girl’s gift will vary slightly depending on the circumstances of her birth, even geography will play its part; we all know what they say about Essex girls! Her sexuality and the colour of her skin will be an important factor in determining her gift. By far, the biggest determiner of who she will be expected to become, and the hopes and dreams she will have been given, will be her physical attributes. Should she be disabled she will be expected to be quiet and underconfident, yet a brave, strong and determined fighter who brings joy to everyone’s lives.

Her caregivers will plant this gift within her, like a seed, and with the help of society, they will nurture it as it grows. The older she gets the stronger the gift of her identity will become, as it is fed with stereotypes and expectations, praise when it grows the way it is expected to and shame when it does not. As her identity grows, so will her hopes and dreams, they may change, they may even take on a life of their own, grow wild and untameable, but most will be pruned regularly and will stay within well defined boundaries, lest they become uncontrollable.

Lest she become uncontrollable.

Each girl will also be given expectations about her ability to achieve her hopes and dreams (which ought to consist mainly of finding a nice man, getting married and having babies) Some will be expected to do this and more, they will identify as “strong”, “capable” possibly even “feminist” as they are the women who will be expected to “have it all.” Others will be expected to settle for less than their dreams, not “good enough” to find a “nice man” they will be expected to settle for a cruel man, an abusive man, a lazy man- any man, because woe betide the girl who abandons the dream of the fairytale happy ever after, the white picket fence and roses around the door, and opts instead to be gasp single. A spinster. Or the one who squanders her dream by selfishly not having children. Worse, woe betide the woman who ungratefully rejects the identity handed to her by the world around her and chooses instead to create her own, the woman who does not allow her dreams to be clipped, or her wings either, who becomes who she chooses to become, lives the life she chooses to live, on her own terms. She will be free, and freedom is scary. *

(*scary but wonderful)